Ms. Hedgehog's recent post inspired me to repost this with a few changes:
I was at this practica DJing. There went this old guy and a young beginner, dancing right in front of me. The guy was 6' tall and over 200 lbs; and the poor girl was like 5"6 with heels on, no more than 110 lbs. Beauty and the beast at the first sight.
What went on made me frowned: he was throwing her around, taking her off balance and forcing different nuevo/stage moves which clearly beyond the physical capabilities of both. (Why a sixty year old, who has no apparent dance background or the physicality of a fit man, would practice off axis volcada lead or anything that is off axis, is beyond my comprehension, although none of my business.) A few times, I thought the girl was about to twist her ankles or have a broken arm.
Yet the girl went on to dance two tandas with the old man. I was amazed... at her ability of enduring such a torture for over twenty minutes. Maybe it didn't hurt or feel uncomfortable as much as it appeared to me.
A couple of nights after, I was at my regular milonga dancing. All of sudden, there was this commotion that made everyone stop dancing. Some one was on the floor. Men were arguing. Instantly I knew whose fault it was.
This guy has been dancing for a long time, longer than I have. I had seen him dancing. He could dance nicely. Somehow he choosed to open up and do crazy stuffs all the time, crowded floor or not. I was following him one tanda. His movement was big and unpredictable. I had to be on constant alert. At one time, I elbowed him lightly when he almost backstepped into me. Enough was enough.
I was told later that the woman was tripped by this guy's partner. He must lead her doing some crazy stage/nuevo moves, as usual.
That got me thinking: so many women complaining men/bad dancers, yet these men are still getting dances from women. What's wrong with this picture? If you don't enjoy dancing with certain people, while keep dancing with them. Have you learned how to spot a bad dancer on the floor?
Do women get so desperate that they jump at every invitation that goes their way? I don't get it...
I don't invite women whom were seen dancing with bad dancers* frequently. And most of the time, these women get stuck with the same type of dancers. Bad by association. Good dancers look for good dancers to dance with. Besides, if you constantly dance with dancers whom have bad postures and inferior techniques, you develop bad habits unconsciously.
I was going to ask the aforementioned beginner to practice walking, show her how to embrace. But after one tanda and she still stayed with the old guy, I lost my interest and enthusiasm. She needed to learn by herself, how to say no, how to look for good dancers, sometimes the hard way.
I like to help beginner, intermediate or even some advanced dancers to improve or correct certain things in their dance. I don't do it actively unless I am asked. I rarely offer advices voluntarily unless I know the person very well. There are a lot of ego and self esteem among. For those who are eager to learn and to improve, I do like to offer them my hands without reservation.
Beginner and intermediate dancers have to make choice between not dancing and dancing with bad dancers. Remember: bad dancers are around because they are dancing. Some one is dancing with them. If you are that someone, then you shouldn't be complaining...
(* Bad dancers= those who have been dancers for years yet have no idea of how to navigate the floor, how to dance small and dance for each other and how to follow the line of dance...)
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Ha! Pilgrim!
ReplyDeleteThe bad dancers don't know they are bad dancers because people are still dancing with them.
In the beginning...I danced with everyone, just like everyone else does when starting out. It is called PRACTICE. A woman needs another woman to tell her to be selective. I was lucky as I had some experienced women giving me good advice. Not dancing with everyone won't make you popular, but I don't care! I don't think it is bitchy to observe someone's dancing and explain to a newbie the pro's and con's of dancing with that person.
However, I am surprised that you won't ask that woman to dance. If you are good as you say you are, then she may not know what she is missing. If after dancing with you, without you trying to teach her anything, she carries on with the other guy, well, you have your answer.
Oh, and yes, some women are that desperate that they will dance with anyone, but so are some men!
Arlene,
ReplyDeleteYour comment just provoked the ideas of a few potential posts ☺:
"A woman needs another woman to tell her to be selective.I was lucky as I had some experienced women giving me good advice." -Tango Clique?
"Not dancing with everyone won't make you popular" - The hidden gem.
"I don't think it is bitchy to observe someone's dancing..." - Sitting, Smiling and Learning.
Now only if I could find the time to put the thoughts together...too busy dancing this month. :P
Last but not the least: "I am surprised that you won't ask that woman to dance. If you are good as you say you are..." Well, I am much better than I say I am. I am like a high potent drug, very addictive. Most of women are hooked after dancing with me :-)... but seriously why should I approach a beginner and not the other way around? Even a few months ago, I often asked for feedback from the women I danced with.
Now this definitely deserves a post: how much do you want...?
Hey Pilgrim,
ReplyDeleteBeginners usually don't ask the experienced dancers because they are...wait for it...BEGINNERS, and lack a bit of confidence. So, it is up to the more experienced dancers to bring them up to speed. Doesn't matter what dance form, it works the same and I have experienced it the same. When you get a more experienced dancer dancing to a beginner's level and slowly adding new elements, it builds their confidence. I will never forget the first time that happened to me....
:)
Arlene,
ReplyDeleteWe all were beginners once, although from different side of the embrace. Still remembered the first time asking a woman for a dance: dry mouth, short breath, tense body...
It is definitely worth of another post.
Gosh... you're blog post inspiring. :-)
It is hopeless to expect this to change because there are always new women who desperatly want to dance and they are easy pickings for these guys. But you are right TP, those guys never have to get better as long as women say yes. I just try to avert my eyes.
ReplyDeleteThere are bad dancers who never improve in Buenos Aires. They continue to create disasters on the dance floor.
ReplyDeleteA women from the UK shared my table last week. She walked off the floor before the tanda ended. I asked her what happened. It seems that her partner wasn't satisfied with her dancing. When she pointed him out to me, I saw that she had one of the worst--Senor Toro, I called him. She charges around and bumps into everyone. She was spared the rest of the tanda. I told her that it wasn't her problem he doesn't dance well. Her confidence level was diminished.
Later that same night she danced two tandas with someone with whom I dance regularly. I saw her smile after the first dance and knew that all was well. Her confidence was renewed. She could only dance her best with a partner who knew how to dance and take care of her. Life is too short to waste time dancing with losers.
Amen to that! And life is better with a few good tandas instead of a bunch of crappy ones.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth,
ReplyDeleteYou are a woman after my own heart. It is soooo refreshing to read comments that don't beat around the bush as they do here in the UK! ;)