Two days

before I take off to the Tangoland. I am less excited this time. Maybe it is because I have gone and come back less than three months ago. Or maybe it is because lately I have been having good time out dancing in NY. Or maybe I have had quite a few things on my plate since I booked the trip; I need to redo my kitchen floor and renovate the bathroom, finish my two year old project, do a overdue medical check up, plan a trip to Asia.

For past year or so, tango has taken over my life: dancing four to six times a week, watching thousands of youtube clips, spending hours writing and reading tango blogs, listening to the music over and over. It has been an incredible ride, the way that I have soaked up tango in just two years. And I start getting it: the music, the connection and the embrace... the ability to lead the woman dreaming in the dance.

But where do I go from here? With the exception of few, most of the women who I've danced with need much work on the embrace, posture, walk, let alone the concept of active following. I have been having good time, but only occasionally that I can truly immerse in the music and uninhibitedly share my feeling. The better that I get, the more I feel unsatisfied. I feel like I am giving more than I receive in the dance. I know there are still a lot for me to improve on, but what is the point?

Maybe it is time for me to slow it down. Just let tango be a part of life, not my life.

Internationa Festival of tango Queer in BsAs

This just happens to be held during my stay in BA. Will be interesting to see if attendances do make it to the regular milongas.

Tango is for every one.

Una Dia mas

One more day, I will be on my way to BsAs. Thinking of that, my heart is pounding. Check out the BA weekly blog, it has lots of photos of BsAs and couple of links to interesting sites. I already like the city from the photos that I saw on the posts. You know what TB, I can even have Dim Sum at Belgrano's little chinatown if I ever get sick of parilla.

It looks like Palermo Viejo has a lots of cool places to hang out: bars, restaurants, ice cream shops and clubs where gorgeous women frequented. Thanks again Eva for her recommendation and my partner for her kind assistance including maps of Palermo. And a few dear tangueras' informative e-mails.

It is truly a city that never sleeps. The blog BA Weekly has inspired me picking up my camera again. I haven't taken photos for so long, my old digital Nikon still looks brand new. I am taking total 20GB of all sorts of memory cards and three extra batteries with me. With a extra hard drive of 120GB, I will probably take home thousands of pictures and hours of videos.

The best of all, I have the chance to learn from Javier and Andrea. Hopefully, they will help me and show me the way.

Already, I am itching to press that "book" button for another ticket back in March, with a few more friends this time.

Only one more day...
Solamente una dia mas...

2 Days

I can't remember when was the last time that I slept more than ten hours a day. Well, I needed it apparently. For the next two weeks, I doubt I will get much sleep.

Confirmed with TangoCherie about Thursday night, Nino Bien it is. From what I read, this is the MILONGA on Thursday night. I think I will get some shoe shopping done before heading to Nino Bien. And also need to contact a few acquaintances down there.

Friday, I will go to Maipu 444. From EB 's post, it sounds like the place to go on Friday night. Maybe an afternoon milonga before that, or a class with Javier and Andrea.

Will start packing today. I will pack light, but take an empty suit case with me. I am sure I will need it later.

I am restless. Actually I am missing New York already: La Nacional on Thursday, Lafayette Grill on Wednesday. But adventure is ahead...

2 Days...

3 Days

Numbers du Jour:

Number of tandas that I've danced: 6
Number of request for my e-mail address: 5,
Number of e-mail address given: 3,
Number of New Yorker who I know also going to BsAs next week: 6
Number of people who I know and dance tango, have gone to BsAs many times but don't know who Javier Rodriguez is: 6
Number of compliment received: 2
number of complain received: 1

"You have to give me stronger lead in Milonga... That was much better."

Number of days left before take off: 3

5 Days and 5 minutes private

I was dancing, the tanda was D'Arienzo's. I was in this huge milonga, very crowdy; yet the energy was flowing and in harmony. Then there was this noise coming from nowhere, loud, squeaking.

"Spur is having problem penetrating, Dallas...."

What the...? I opened my eyes, and my TV was on TNT. Spur Vs Dallas, 3rd quarter. What the time is it? I suddenly realized I was late for my 9:30 private with maestro. I overslept my tango nap.

I ran out of the house and jumped into the car. It was 10:10 then, called Maestro and partner, told them " I am coming..."

Luckily the traffic was light, I did 65 on a 50 limit highway. Twenty minutes after, I was at the studio.

Apparently, partner had a good class with maestro. I had about 5 minutes to dance a song with partner. Off we went.

Four steps.... Stop. Too soft, too many tiny steps. More energy! Dance lower. Go again...

Readjusted the embrace and connected with partner first, and relaxed the knees. Yes, very nice. Very good.

Then maestro taught me the highlight of the class. " Focus on the hips, hers and yours." I am not going to go into detail how and what to do with ones' hips (core is more proper). But what a difference it made when i followed it. The control and quality of the dance was changed dramatically. And my partner definitely felt the lead much better and stronger (not physically though).

That was it. Five minutes with maestro and I got over the biggest hurdle I had for months: how to dance with my core (hips is misguiding). It clicked.

Then we all went to La Nacional. Maxi Copello and Maria Blanco were there, so was Omar Vega. Maestro so proudly pointed us out to Omar Vega while we were on the floor: these are my students, they are the best on the floor (it was a slow night.). Mr Vega agreed.

He told us that later, which brought huge grin on my face and sparks in partner's lovely blue eyes. Hard work paid off...

5 Days...

8 Days.. and Home is where your heart is...

When I first started tango, I thought:" wow, this is heaven for single guys.". What else can get you so close to a woman and to so many women? I was driven to be a very good dancer so I can dance with the prettiest and the sexiest, and many of them. A good dancer I became, I found different meanings in tango.

Dancing with friends, I've found joy and peace. Dancing with Strangers, I've found passion and thrill. What I long for, however, is to dance with some one whom I care, and find love. (I know! It sounds hopeless romantic, even downright stupid and naive.)

I have tasted passion. Passion was consuming. It was like drinking double shots of strong whiskey; it burned my throat, warmed my stomach and numbed my mind, sometimes blinded me too. But the sensation was short lived. And I had to risk a hangover.

I have experienced thrill. It was exciting and heart pounding. But I couldn't handle thrill on the daily basis.

For a short time, I thought I have found some one whom i like and would like to care for. The dance was different from then on. I had experienced something magical in the dance.

Then the past couple of weeks I had been lost in the " she likes me, she likes me not..." state of mind. When the "she likes me not" struck, I felt I could have moved to the faraway land where tango can be danced anytime of the day. Two nights ago, after a glass of fine aged tequila, I dreamed about being happy in the foreign land, where I find my tango love.

I think it happened to a lot of people. When they are not happy with their lives, they find happiness elsewhere. There is an old Chinese saying: " Tree dies when it is moved, people live however." A new environment is sometimes good for the soul.

But every time the plane descends to this city from the many foreign lands that I've travel to, I look out the windows and feel that I am home again. Here I have my family, my friends and the memories of all these years. My heart is still here. This is my home.

So tonight, it suddenly struck me that I looked at the whole thing the wrong way. I trapped myself unwisely. I should read it as Yuenfen hasn't arrived yet. If it doesn't feel right, then probably it is not meant to.

There, I no longer look at BsAs as an escape but an opportunity to grow as a better tango dancer and better prepared when Yuen finally arrives and the love strikes. I feel liberated from my own dark thoughts and depression. I can sleep quietly now.

8 more days...

9 Days...

Rested for one night and two days, I was feeling itchy feet.This Sunday night was the reopening of La Milonguita Ideal with live music. It is on 31st street between fifth and sixth, just right off midtown tunnel. So I drove off after the Rockets game (and they won, one more reason to celebrate with tango.:) ).

Sunday night milongas are slower. Even it was the reopening night, the crowd was not that thick, comparing to last year. I just realized how quickly a year has gone by. And what a different dancer I am now.

The living music is fun to dance to. I love dancing to Tito Castro's bandoneon. He knows how to work the crowd. But sometimes the musician get carried away in their own music, and they forget about the dancers. I felt that way about the music tonight. So I decided to wait.

I went to the snack table instead, sandwiches, hams, veggie dips, candies, and some Argentine wine. Omar Vega came over and said hola. He seemed to be nice guy contrary to what I heard. I will take some of his classes after come back(if I do come back) from BsAs in December.

I started dancing when the recorded music was playing. First with an acquaintance, who just came back from BsAs, she again complimented my lead. Then I met a pretty young girl with long dark hair, whom is going to BsAs next week with a friend. Wow, I might see a lot of New Yorker in BsAs from what I learned so far. I meant to ask her for a tanda, but she was busy the whole night.

I danced with a former tango schoolmate. We started tango the same time. We had a good tanda, until the live music came back and I lost in interpreting the music and became less sure in the lead. We walked off the floor after the second live one.

Maestro was in the house. I chatted with him. He told me the cell phone was fine now. He had it fixed. He looked relaxed. Then this chica walked over. She exchanged a kiss on the cheek with Maestro. And she saw me standing with him and smiled at me. They went off to the dance floor. She is a fabulous dancer who went to the final of Compeonado Mundial this year. Maybe next time I could ask her for a tanda without getting turned down.

There came one of my favourite Tanturi tanda starting with Una Emocion. I went to the runner up of 1st USA tango championship. The first time I danced with her was at the same studio last year. I thought she was amazing then. We haven't had the chance to dance for a couple months. She looked happy that I asked.

Her embrace was different yet very comfortable. Her face was on my cheek. I could feel her eye lids closed and the slight movement of them. Our noses were so closed that I felt as if we were breathing together. And I breathed in the faint smell of wine from her. It was so intoxicating... I was getting fond of this embrace.

I love Tanturi and the tanda was great. She excused herself after one tanda: she had too much wine and she was afraid of not being at her best. I walked her back to her seat.

And that was it for me for the night. I chatted and socialized for the rest of the evening and left around 11:00pm. Got another compliment from a guy, whom danced tango for eight years and danced everything else since the 60's, on my way out. I remained modest:"still get a lot to learn."

9 more days...

10 Days

Skipped all nighter's six anniversary, stayed home instead to catch up with the sleep. I have to rest up before the trip. I doubt that I will sleep much in BsAs. Dug up some old video which is kinda cool.

11 Days

Started packing today. Sent the shirts to dry cleaner. Cleaned up the apartment. Paid some bills. Ironed some dress pants.

Check list(REVISED & unedited): cameras, cell phone, chargers, notebook computer, POWER ADAPTERS. memory card, Zune, external hard drive, jeans, shirts, shoes, two weeks underwear, after shave, body spray, Trojans, medicines, two credit cards, ITINERARY, COPIES OF PASSPORT, RANSOM INSTRUCTION, oh extra DUFFEL BAG, anything missing?

12 Days

Needed to dance, I went to La Nacional early. Tried to have a tango nap before heading out, cheated with a glass of wine to get about fifteen minutes sleep. So by the time I stepped in the milonga, I was in a foul mood (plus the fishy smell that lingers downstairs).

I had a fab time last night at LG. I feel like a star at LG but in La Nacional I am still anonymous. First dance with an old acquaintance. She felt tired, stiff and wobbly. And worst, my maestro came in and sat down at one of the tables. I felt that he was judging me. Well, every one at La Nacional is judging one way or the other.

I tried to focus on the connection. We had a good dance. She thanked me like always. She is such a sweet lady.

Chatted with Maestro a little. He dropped and broke his new cell phone last night. Worse, that was a gift given by his gf three weeks ago. "I am in trouble." He said. " I have to fix it even it costs me more than getting a new one."

I laughed. "I won't tell her when I see her in BsAs."

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a man who has danced with and charmed countless women, who taught me how to be macho in my dance. And he worries about breaking a cell phone given by his gf?!

Men lose all their powers when they are in love with the women.

My mood was lighter after the chat with maestro. Then a dance with a new acquaintance. We met at Y and didn't dance last night. She has a different embrace and I am not very comfortable with it. Nonetheless, I tried my best to connect and we had a good time. She paid me a great compliment during the break and requested a dance before she left.

The turning point of the night was the following dance with a student from the University uptown and the organizer of the tango club. She just so happened sitting next to me. And I was glad that I asked.

Her embrace needs work, so does her walk and giros. No matter, we were having a great tango conversation. She did these cute, spontaneous, playful embellishments during a D'Arienzo tanda, that I couldn't help but smile. I led her kick into a empty chair. We stopped and laughed about it.

The tip of her nose touched mine. I felt that we were breathing together. At one point, I closed my eyes and felt just the warmth of her face. The world around us froze at that moment. I felt her body was completely surrendered into my embrace.

Then I felt beads of sweats coming down from our noses. I couldn't tell if they were hers or mine. She didn't move her face a bit. We danced like that for the whole song. At the end of the second tanda, I thanked her sincerely. We could've had the third or fourth tanda. But I dared not to spoil myself...

I was light hearted by the time I walked into the street. The night was still young, and gorgeous people were everywhere. Then I laughed at myself for being a fool all these days.

I think I will love Buenos Aires,

Only 12 more days to find out...