Day 20. Private 6 Fatigue takes toll.

I was very tired, coughing during the night and in the morning. I guess that I am reaching to the end of my milonga stretch. By the time I reached Javier's place I felt lack of energy.

Andrea brought me upstairs. They went to Santa Fe yesterday for a show and class, eight hours bus ride. She looked a bit tired too.

Javier was dancing with CDT a milonga. To see him leading CDT dancing the milonga in socks was very entertaining. He saw me and joked: " It is you again. Every day I see you. Every where I look I see you. " I answered:" I am leaving soon. Don't worry."

As usual the previous class ended late. While Andrea took CDT down, I started dancing with Javier to Bien Pluenta by D'Arienzo. It was good except that my steps were too little while doing the giros. Not so manly, very intimidating. I told him that it was because in the milongas I worried about hitting some one while doing the giro. "Practice here then in the milongas you will have better confidence." Javier said.

He switched the music to Di Sarli. I danced with Andrea for one song. After the song, Andrea hold up a fist to my fist. She felt perfect. She wanted to congratulate me. I didn't do giros, however, and she noticed. Ha, I cheated and danced the stuffs that I know the best.

Later, we pretended the space as the floor of the milonga and practiced everything that I did in the milonga. Then Javier fixed the way that I held woman's right hand and explained that man and woman's arm shouldn't be touching. And I practiced some giros. Normal, nature, these are the keys of good tango.

I was feeling that my body and my mind was slow today. So we ended the class a bit earlier. I thought that I reached the point that I have all the elements of good tango: very good embrace, posture, walk, and the right mentality. Now it is a matter of putting that into practice and gaining experience.

They had said some nice things to me that made me feel very proud. Two more classes, I am ready to see the result by the end of my second series of privates with two of the teachers whom I have utmost respect.

Day 18. Private 5. Move to another stage

Today I had a early class. They were teaching a Russian guy while I got there. Andrea was working with him in open embrace. While Javier introduced the concept of dancing selfishly to him, he had drawn such a blank face that I couldn't help but smile. Ha, I was not the only who didn't get it. :)

I was smiling the whole time listening to the class. When the Russian guy asked how he should do the giro, which part of the body goes first, Javier said: " natural" The guy was drawing blank.
" it is like this: you want to go the bathroom very urgently. The bathroom is there. What do you do? You turn and you run to the bathroom. Do you think about which foot goes first, if the hip should turn this way or that way? " Javier was telling him and the same time acting very animatedly. It was the Russian the first class, he would eventually get it.

My class started with Farrol by Pugliese con Javier. We danced two times, fixed two small technical issues. The third time he was very happy. He said,"that is, we would wrap this up. This stage has finished. You dance very nicely, very musical to Di Sarli and Pugliese. The way you dance the music is perfect. Technical is not so important. Now we will move on to dance to half beat. "

D'Arienzo time. I danced with Andrea a few times, and Javier danced with Andrea one song to show me. Well, it is more difficult for me to dance to D'Arienzo than to Pugliese. We worked on the energy of the steps. After the last one, Javier said that it looked good but something was missing. There was not fire, to watch me dancing makes him sleepy.

Ok, good, new challenge. Let's see what Wednesday class will bring.

Day 15. Private 5. Break Through.

Since the second class, Javier has been talking about being selfish in the dance. I vaguely grasped the concept. Maybe it is my upbringing that makes me an unselfish person in life. You dance who you are, as they say in tango.

I started with Andrea. It was fine, except the giro sill felt awkward. So we worked on that. I led Javier. First time," you gotta relaxed more, I felt your tension on your neck and shoulder. " Second time, " I still felt your tension, the movement was not smooth, and you must adjust the embrace."
Third time, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and felt my mind was total emptied. Without thinking much, I just went. I felt effortless. Javier told Andrea: " Perfection does exist."

I danced with Andrea one more song. And corrected two old problems which had been going on since day one. One was that I put Andrea on the outside edge of her foot at salida. The other was that my second step was weird and not straight (habit of dancing back in the tango babe days).

After the correction of the little technical imperfection went on, Javier talked a lot about being selfish. How a man should be a man in the dance (nothing about being macho). What a man's responsibility is in the dance. A man should first be responsible for himself.

I told Andrea that I understood that but it would take me time to build up confidence in myself. I only danced two years. I didn't felt that I had known the structure of tango. Andrea said to me before translated my thoughts to Javier: " You already have everything that you need. The warm embrace, the walk."

Javier sat me down and started "brainwashing" me. :)

"I am going to talk to you about the structure of tango. So that you understand.

First: you dance Tango Argentino, not Tango Espanol, Americano, nor Chino. Second: as you know, in Argentine, there is no structure... ( I laughed) So tango is about improvisation. Improvise means free. You are free to make a decision at the exact moment what you want to do. Listen to your lady what she wants, and tell her what you want. You have to know what you want in the dance as a man. You have to be selfish."

He stand up and showed me. " you have to be perfect, on your own axis all the time." All of sudden, I got it. I got it that at this level where each one already has the technique, I need to focus about my own dance. How to dance perfectly myself. " The more perfect you are, the better for me." Andrea told me.

That's what the being selfish means. I need not worrying about my partner. She has her own feet, her own chip (computer lingo: brain) and she knows how to dance. Think about myself how to be perfect.

I felt so much lighted like a burden was off my shoulder. I danced with Andrea one song. I thought nothing but my own perfection in the music. It was the best one I had danced so far. Andrea was completely satisfied, no pointer. Javier gave me a long look: "The feeling you have in the music gives you the potential of being great." I couldn't believe what I heard. So Andrea translated again. That must be the biggest accomplishment I had in my two years.

Then Javier showed me how to dance to the music. How to pause in the music. He took off his sneakers, and danced in socks one tango with Andrea to show me. It was inspiring to say the least. Then he talked about the beginning, middle and the ending of a song. What goes on in the three sections.

I danced with Andrea without the music. Then the fun began. We played in the dance. At the time, I felt that I was creative and enjoying the dance. "This opens thousands of possibility. You have so many options that it will drive you crazy. " that was Javier's last comment on this Friday afternoon.

I thought it was the class that would eventually transform my dance.

Day 14. Private 3. Secrete of Tango

Today's lesson started with dancing with Javier while Andrea was making mate. One song after, we sat down and had a priest's ball and mate. Then Andrea translated what my problem was in the dance. All my linear movement was fine, but the circular ones I was tension and not smooth. And I was still trying to control the woman. Woman has her own responsibility in the dance. I don't have to take her responsibility (well, not every day I got to dance with Javier or Andrea.).

Then Javier asked me to dance with him without right arm embrace. At first I was nervous, he had to stop me in the middle of the song. The next one he was very satisfied. Then I danced with Andrea the same way without right arm embrace. It was fine except when I did giro she felt a bit uncomfortable.

Then we talked about the right amount of energy in the right arm embrace. The woman should feel the heat from my arm. The embrace should be relaxed, firm yet not forcefully controlled. At times, it should make the woman want to embrace me more. I knew what she talked about making the woman wanting to embrace more. I had that experience with other followers.

Then Javier talked to me about the precision of the energy. How to visualize woman's feet, where they are, what they are doing. How to place them in the exact spot. "Your technical is fine. Now you have to understand this secret." he told me.

In the end he showed me the way the giro that I often do should be executed. Three simply movement. I tried it. One take, BAM, wrap it up. Tango is simple in its essence. To reach that simplicity requires a lot of preparation and work. When you get it, it is like "OH, is that simple?"

Day 13. Private 2 Being Selfish

Today we continued working on small stuffs. First thing was to work on leading woman front ocho and walking out of it. We spend about ten fifteen minutes on different variations of it, adding different color.

I danced with Javier a few times. Javier said Andrea was too good at adapting to the leader. He was wearing boat shoes with flat bottom. So any fault on my movement he felt it. Well, he is no Andrea but certainly better than most of the women I have danced with. After a few adjustment, he actually loved my embrace. Andrea got a kick out of it by watching us dancing. " muy lindo" because we both wore blue jeans and white t-shirt.

What I learned was to slow down more and not to rush the woman. I knew that it was my problem as I had been feeling it in the dance. Not natural as Javier would say. As I got more comfortable, the tension was getting less. Most of the things that they mentioned I fixed it the next song.

The only thing I needed time to digest was what Javier said and I read it from Issac's blog before: follow the mind of the woman. How not to lead all the time. He mentioned that I was always going after the woman.

"Are you married." He asked.
"Nope"
"Solo, an individual. Then why you listen to the woman all the time. Do you have plant at home?..." "What do you do?"
"computer" I answered, didn't get into detail.
"Now I understand, your computer is your wife. Entiendo todo." We all laughed.
"Don't make me quit my job." I told him and Andrea translated.

But seriously I understood what he meant. It was not being sexist nor macho. It was about liberating my dance, so that I could express myself and dance my own style. I had put too much into trying to lead every step. I was still at the stage on leading and following.

Now I should go to the next level: have a conversation, not just listening or speaking. It will take time for me to be able to do it naturally. It will take a equal partner to understand that. At least I know what the goal is, so I can go after it.