Day 15. Private 5. Break Through.

Since the second class, Javier has been talking about being selfish in the dance. I vaguely grasped the concept. Maybe it is my upbringing that makes me an unselfish person in life. You dance who you are, as they say in tango.

I started with Andrea. It was fine, except the giro sill felt awkward. So we worked on that. I led Javier. First time," you gotta relaxed more, I felt your tension on your neck and shoulder. " Second time, " I still felt your tension, the movement was not smooth, and you must adjust the embrace."
Third time, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and felt my mind was total emptied. Without thinking much, I just went. I felt effortless. Javier told Andrea: " Perfection does exist."

I danced with Andrea one more song. And corrected two old problems which had been going on since day one. One was that I put Andrea on the outside edge of her foot at salida. The other was that my second step was weird and not straight (habit of dancing back in the tango babe days).

After the correction of the little technical imperfection went on, Javier talked a lot about being selfish. How a man should be a man in the dance (nothing about being macho). What a man's responsibility is in the dance. A man should first be responsible for himself.

I told Andrea that I understood that but it would take me time to build up confidence in myself. I only danced two years. I didn't felt that I had known the structure of tango. Andrea said to me before translated my thoughts to Javier: " You already have everything that you need. The warm embrace, the walk."

Javier sat me down and started "brainwashing" me. :)

"I am going to talk to you about the structure of tango. So that you understand.

First: you dance Tango Argentino, not Tango Espanol, Americano, nor Chino. Second: as you know, in Argentine, there is no structure... ( I laughed) So tango is about improvisation. Improvise means free. You are free to make a decision at the exact moment what you want to do. Listen to your lady what she wants, and tell her what you want. You have to know what you want in the dance as a man. You have to be selfish."

He stand up and showed me. " you have to be perfect, on your own axis all the time." All of sudden, I got it. I got it that at this level where each one already has the technique, I need to focus about my own dance. How to dance perfectly myself. " The more perfect you are, the better for me." Andrea told me.

That's what the being selfish means. I need not worrying about my partner. She has her own feet, her own chip (computer lingo: brain) and she knows how to dance. Think about myself how to be perfect.

I felt so much lighted like a burden was off my shoulder. I danced with Andrea one song. I thought nothing but my own perfection in the music. It was the best one I had danced so far. Andrea was completely satisfied, no pointer. Javier gave me a long look: "The feeling you have in the music gives you the potential of being great." I couldn't believe what I heard. So Andrea translated again. That must be the biggest accomplishment I had in my two years.

Then Javier showed me how to dance to the music. How to pause in the music. He took off his sneakers, and danced in socks one tango with Andrea to show me. It was inspiring to say the least. Then he talked about the beginning, middle and the ending of a song. What goes on in the three sections.

I danced with Andrea without the music. Then the fun began. We played in the dance. At the time, I felt that I was creative and enjoying the dance. "This opens thousands of possibility. You have so many options that it will drive you crazy. " that was Javier's last comment on this Friday afternoon.

I thought it was the class that would eventually transform my dance.