8 Days.. and Home is where your heart is...

When I first started tango, I thought:" wow, this is heaven for single guys.". What else can get you so close to a woman and to so many women? I was driven to be a very good dancer so I can dance with the prettiest and the sexiest, and many of them. A good dancer I became, I found different meanings in tango.

Dancing with friends, I've found joy and peace. Dancing with Strangers, I've found passion and thrill. What I long for, however, is to dance with some one whom I care, and find love. (I know! It sounds hopeless romantic, even downright stupid and naive.)

I have tasted passion. Passion was consuming. It was like drinking double shots of strong whiskey; it burned my throat, warmed my stomach and numbed my mind, sometimes blinded me too. But the sensation was short lived. And I had to risk a hangover.

I have experienced thrill. It was exciting and heart pounding. But I couldn't handle thrill on the daily basis.

For a short time, I thought I have found some one whom i like and would like to care for. The dance was different from then on. I had experienced something magical in the dance.

Then the past couple of weeks I had been lost in the " she likes me, she likes me not..." state of mind. When the "she likes me not" struck, I felt I could have moved to the faraway land where tango can be danced anytime of the day. Two nights ago, after a glass of fine aged tequila, I dreamed about being happy in the foreign land, where I find my tango love.

I think it happened to a lot of people. When they are not happy with their lives, they find happiness elsewhere. There is an old Chinese saying: " Tree dies when it is moved, people live however." A new environment is sometimes good for the soul.

But every time the plane descends to this city from the many foreign lands that I've travel to, I look out the windows and feel that I am home again. Here I have my family, my friends and the memories of all these years. My heart is still here. This is my home.

So tonight, it suddenly struck me that I looked at the whole thing the wrong way. I trapped myself unwisely. I should read it as Yuenfen hasn't arrived yet. If it doesn't feel right, then probably it is not meant to.

There, I no longer look at BsAs as an escape but an opportunity to grow as a better tango dancer and better prepared when Yuen finally arrives and the love strikes. I feel liberated from my own dark thoughts and depression. I can sleep quietly now.

8 more days...